There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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