I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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