i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
