He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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