it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
