I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
