Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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