Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
