I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
