.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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