Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
