I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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