Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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