I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
