I just pynch a tree in the face
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
