I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
