i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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