Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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