Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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