dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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