She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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