so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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