i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
