there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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