i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
