Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
