It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
