he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
