They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
