White coat. Heels.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
