I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
