i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
