paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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