Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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