i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize