ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
