And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
