Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
