Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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