Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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