Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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