hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
