he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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