Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
