Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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