I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
