Sry I called you an 8
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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