Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
