I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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