Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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