I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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