I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He has the fingertips of a God
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