He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
