i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
