I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.