If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me