hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
