I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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